


Long Distance Call and Sex

by Sliver_Tail



Series: One Piece Pairings [5]
Category: One Piece
Genre: Kinda, M/M, Phone Sex, Sex Toys, dirty talk???
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:08:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24617353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sliver_Tail/pseuds/Sliver_Tail
Summary: When Sanji answered the Den-Den Mushi, the last person he expected would be Mr.0. Not wanting to blow his cover, Sanji deals with some pretty unexpected shit.
Relationships: Crocodile/Vinsmoke Sanji
Series: One Piece Pairings [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1722865
Comments: 6
Kudos: 69





	Long Distance Call and Sex

**Author's Note:**

> No one come at me for this xD 
> 
> I made this when I was but a wee child.

Sanji honestly didn’t understand why there was such a comfortable place in the middle of nowhere. The material was odd too, something one wouldn’t find on such an island as the one that he and his crew landed on. Someone lived here or at least frequently visited. They made good tea, whoever they were. Ah, just a touch of some vanilla and this would be perfect to give to Nami-swan and Vivi-chan. He started coughing violently. 

‘Nami-swan~! Vivi-chan~!’ His mind screamed out. Placing his cup down gently, he stood up to leave. 

“Why is this place even out here?” He muttered to himself. Lighting up his cigarette, he walked over to the door.  
“Pururu… Pururu…” A noise came out from behind Sanji. The sound was very familiar.  
‘What the…’ He thought coming to a halt. His single exposed eye roamed the bare room, landing on a picnic basket.  
‘I’ve got time.’ He figured before he cautiously approached the basket. 

Gently opening the folds, he was greeted with a slouching. “It’s a Den-Den Mushi.” He commented to himself. In a split- second decision, he decided to answer. Lifting the snail up, he placed it unto the table. Picking up the receiver, he fell unto the couch behind him. Taking a drag of his cigarette, he replied. 

“Hey, thanks for calling. This is the shitty restaurant. You wanna make an order?” The brief silence that followed made his eyebrow furrow.  
“Cut the bullshit. Asshole.” The Den-Den Mushi echoed back in a deep tone.  
Sanji’s eyebrow flew up. ‘Heh, we got an impatient shitty customer here.’  
“Your report’s late.” The snail's eyes were nearly closed. Sanji was amused.  
“Huh? Report?” Sanji coolly asked, “And might I inquire as to who is calling?” 

“It’s me. Mr. 0.” He answered. Sanji’s amusement was gone in an instant. This is the man that Vivi-chan mentioned before. Luffy was probably going to end up fighting him later. He looked at the Mushi, ‘The guy on the other side… is one of the Shichibukai, Crocodile.’ He thought. Sanji’s mind was racing. 

Crocodile continued, “It’s been days since I gave you your orders. What the hell’s going on?” 

‘Mr. 3… that must be the owner of this Den-Den Mushi…. I see… I get it now. This is the enemy’s lair and he was pursuing Vivi-chan. Damn, they better be ok.’ He scowled, looking off to the side at nothing in particular. ‘Shouldn’t have gone hunting.’ 

“What’s with the silence? I asked you a question.” Mr.0 demanded from the other side, bringing Sanji’s attention back to the matter at hand. “Have you eliminated Princess Vivi and those Straw-Hat pirates?” 

‘Play along with it, Sanji.’  
“Yeah, mission accomplished. I got rid of the bastards that discovered your secret. So, there’s no need to pursue them anymore.” 

“I see. Good work, my little wax-maker.” He complimented. Sanji’s eye widened in disbelief. “The unluckies should be arriving soon to confirm your mission’s success and make a delivery.”  
‘Ah, shit.’ Sanji thought. He looked over to the side, seeing a Vulture and Otter of all things poised to attack him. ‘Those are probably the Unluckies.’ He thought dryly. The chaos that came was brief- Cut it out, you freakin’ giant chicken!- but it was enough to have Crocodile demanding what happened. 

Panicking, Sanji’s mind raced to excuse the incident. “Ah, sorry about that. The Unluckies were taking care of an animal intruder for me.”  
There was silence on the other side of the line, making Sanji believe that his cover had been blown.  
“Go use the package, Mr.3. Use it right now.” Lifting a curled brow, Sanji looked around, seeing a brown knapsack nearby the shitty Vulture. 

The contents were scandalous. Sanji’s face went red. He’s heard of this before. The box itself screamed inappropriate with it’s hot pink designs. It was used by long-distance lovers, so that they could at least maintain the sex aspect of their relationship. He blanked out at the sight. ‘I...I can’t do this.’ 

From what Sanji gathered by overhearing customers at the Baratie, there was a regular dildo and the inverse dildo. The regular dildo, which is what he was staring at with heavy denial at the moment, was used by the submissive partner. The inverse dildo stretched over the dominant’s dick. When both partners use it, the regular dildo takes on the exact shape of the dominant’s dick, copying even the throbbing, thrusting, and heat that the inverse dildo sends over. Likewise, the inverse dildo wraps around the dominant as much as the submissive’s ‘passage’ does. It also heats up as much as the passage does. It’s basically direct sex with your partner, yet not really. 

He had really fucked up this time around. 

If he didn’t… use it… as Crocodile had put it, then he’d be purposefully letting his cover go. Crocodile would know that Mr.3 never got around to eliminating them and poor Vivi-chan wouldn’t be able to get to her kingdom in peace. But, this… this was… 

“Like it?” Crocodile asked from the other side. “It was quite expensive. Something you wouldn’t be able to afford.”  
‘Rude much?’ Sanji just couldn’t help but think. ‘Just who is Mr.3 to him?’ If it meant some peace and quiet for Vivi-chan, for even just a little bit, he’d do it. 

Nevertheless, this is going to be an unmentionable event in Sanji’s relatively short life. 

Laughing under his breath, he smirked demurely. He walked over to the couch, putting out his cigarette on the table’s surface.  
“It’s perfect.” He said lowly to Den-Den Mushi. His paling face betrayed his voice.  
“Kuahahaha.” A unique laugh rang from the snail. “I think we can agree that we’ve been waiting too long for this.” 

‘Not really.’ Sanji thought.  
“Certainly have, haven’t we.” He agreed with the Shichibukai. He kicked off his black shoes. He found himself thankful that this would be taken care of completely under the radar. Crocodile had no idea he was about to fuck someone other than Mr.3, no one knew that Sanji was here even. It made it less shameful. ‘For Vivi-chan.’ He encouraged himself. 

Sanji slinked to the couch gently, throwing his leg over the backrest. Unbuckling his pants, he lifted his hips sliding them down. He loosened his tie as Crocodile started speaking again. 

“Talk dirty to me.” He commanded. Sanji’s face turned pink. How did gay men talk dirty to each other?! His lines were meant for women! For goddesses! 

“Make me feel it for weeks, boss.” Sanji said lamely. His hands trembled as he ripped open the package, slipping out a purple toned phallus shaped object. He flicked on the switch located on the bottom, shivering when it stretched in size whilst in his grasp. It must have been 13 inches in length and 2 and half inches in girth. This was Crocodile’s… Damn. At least… he’s got more material to work with.. 

“Mmh, I think I found something to sleep with all night long.” Sanji murmured just loud enough for the snail to hear. “Careful, I think I just might be replacing you, boss.” Like hell he isn’t gonna get a few jabs out of this. The bastard deserves to be brought down a peg or two. 

“I’m sure you’ll be sleeping with it in.” The snail smirked. Sanji’s jaw unhinged at the insinuation. Looking at the size, he’d definitely be feeling it for weeks, even without Crocodile trying, after just a few minutes, much less a whole night.  
“Now, prepare yourself for me.” The deep toned voice ordered. Biting his lip, Sanji slipped his clothes off his ankle and laid them onto the table. He doesn’t think any preparations he does with his hands will be enough. 

“Impatient, are we?” He spoke back suavely. “You aren’t old enough to be experiencing problems.”  
“A shame that I’m not there to punish you for such cheek. You’ll get what’s coming to you sooner than later.” The crime leader said ominously. ‘Right.’ Sanji thought back smartly, smirking darkly. ‘If only you knew.’ 

“Oh my.” Sanji teased back. 

Sanji’s fingers prodded his hole. He didn’t have anyone to think of to help him get through this scenario. He would never think of Nami-swan or Vivi-chan in such a vile situation. He let go of all discrepancies, just letting all things happen.  
“Suck me, slut.” The voice echoed the room, making it seem like it was closer than it really was.  
“Fucker.” Sanji threw back, before he brought the huge dildo to his face, a musky scent confronted his nose. 

‘It copies scent too? Goddamn.’ It made things feel way more realistic than it had to be. The chief licked the head, lapping at it. His wandering finger entered his hole halfway before pulling out to the very tip. The dildo throbbed in his light grip. This was honestly the weirdest thing he’s ever done. 

‘No one knows you’re doing this right now.’ He shakily reassured himself one last time. 

A puff of air left the snail’s slightly open mouth as Sanji’s mouth enveloped the head of the dildo. Sanji’s eyes closed as he slipped another of his slender fingers into his entrance below. 

Soon enough Sanji had four fingers slowly thrusting inside of himself and just slightly more than half of the dildo in his mouth. Sanji groaned around the faux phallus as he hit something deep inside him. Sanji’s own length was hardening under the caresses of his fingers. 

“Enough.” Crocodile’s voice crackled back to life, “Fuck yourself upon my dick, now.” 

Sanji tightened around his fingers in fear, his shoulders hunching in his lying position. He pulled the dildo out, ignoring the trail of saliva. Shifting himself on the couch, he laid both legs over the backrest, as his torso and head went upside down. He figured that gravity would help. With both long legs strewn over the couch, Sanji spread them out in a show of extreme flexibility gained through his fighting style. 

A slurping pop was heard as Sanji extracted his fingers from his hole. Positioning the long length of the Shichibukai above him, he slowly started to insert it. His legs strained in protest as he felt himself stretching to compensate the girth of only the head. His eye snapped shut. 

Sanji panted slowly, sweat sliding to his hairline. He could hear a groan from the Den-Den Mushi.  
“You know… Mr.3 would never have agreed to this.” The voice breathed out. Sanji’s eyes blinked open in an instant. “My subordinate… has been denying my invitations.” Pure dread crawled sickenly across Sanji’s spine. “So then… who's the poor idiot that put themselves in this situation?” 

“Shit.” Sanji muttered out loud, before harshly grasping at the the dildo partially inside him. He really fucked up. But, how was anyone supposed to know that? 

The laughter of the man over the line was all the warning Sanji got, before the length snapped forward into him. The force made Sanji’s back arch off the couch like a bow, his head narrowly missing the table’s leg. He cried out at the sudden stretch, leaving a burning sensation as the only thing he could feel was being unbearably full. 

‘Too much!’ He cried out mentally. His legs trembled as they were forced to support his body in its bowed position. He shakily looked up at himself, his vision blurry, horrified to see that only half of the length had entered him. 

“Asshole!” He cursed out, “Shitty Shichibukai!”  
“Kuahahaha… You must be one of the strawhats then.” Crocodile spoke amused, seemingly unaffected by the sexual aspect of their encounter. “You’re a sneaky one, aren’t you?” He mused. 

Sanji’s lips twisted to a scowl. Placing one hand on the ground as support, he reached up again to pull out the dildo and put an end to the matter. He might even kick it around, the shitty fucker deserved that much. 

“You must have thought that if you deceived me into thinking your crew was dead you’d be able to come to Alabasta unhindered.” He spoke. 

Just as Sanji’s hand was a scant few inches from being able to pull the offensive intruder out, Mr.0 pulled out and harshly thrust back in, managing to shove another inch of himself in. The force of his thrust was brutal and Sanji couldn’t hold back, “Guh!” He cried out. “F-fucker.” He stuttered. He had to use both hands to prevent his head from slamming into the floor. 

“It really is a shame that I can’t be there in person.” Crocodile lamented mockingly, “I suppose I’ll allow your crew to come to Alabasta, if only to commend your acting skills.” 

‘Nice to see that this won’t be a complete waste of time.’ Sanji thought sarcastically. “Shitty mafia-boss wannabe.” He insulted, his voice stressed. 

“How cute.” The Shichibukai said dryly. He began to mercilessly pummel into Sanji, slowly working his way to completely engulfing himself in the entrapping heat of Sanji’s entrance. 

Sanji yelped, his arms and legs trembling as they struggled to maintain his precarious upside-down position. The couch offered little support against the abuse. The man fucked like he was fighting, using impossible strength in his thrusts. He struggled to look up, shocked when he realized that the entire length was sliding into him at that point. 

Stars burst in his vision as the crime leader hit something deep within him. Sanji threw back his head, his arms giving out on him for a second. He barely caught himself, his head mere centimeters from the unforgiving floor.

“Ngh!” He moaned out, his face reddening at the lewd sound. His hard cock slapped his stomach in sharp pain, a contrast to the abrupt pleasure he experienced mere seconds ago.  
“Hoh?” Crocodile sounded out from Sanji’s pleasured haze, “Quite the sound there, Straw-hat.” The snail could be seen mimicking a smirk. 

“B-bastard.” Sanji groaned, his voice utterly wrecked.  
“Let’s see if we can more like that from you?”  
Sanji’s visible eye widened in shock when the dildo pulled out to the very tip. ‘Shit.’ was all he could manage before it slammed straight unto his pleasure spot with horrible strength behind it. 

“NGH!.. gah.. hah.. fuck!... hah.. hah.” He mewled out, panting. Crocodile pulled out halfway, slamming back in an instant with mind numbing force. “Fuck! I.. hah.. stoNgh!” Sanji’s body rocked with the thrusts, his aching neglected cock slapping his stomach with each motion, pre-cum leaking out. Droplets of his pre-cum hit his chest and chin due to his position. 

Over Sanji’s moaning, one could hear the panting from Crocodile over the Den-Den Mushi.  
“You’ll be cumming from only my cock.” He growled. Sanji was barely able to hear him. Crocodile kept up the brutal pace for minutes with Sanji barely keeping up, before Sanji clenched around him like a vice. 

“Shit! Gonna… hah!” Sanji cried out shakily, before climaxing over himself. It splattered all over his chest and part of his face. Crocodile didn’t cease his movements, determined to reach his end as well. 

“Gah! You! Sto-Hah!” Sanji protested weakly, oversensitive now that he reached his climax. A growl from the other side of the line could be heard, as the Shichibukai continued, ignoring the protest. 

Tears of frustration welled up in the chief’s eyes, “S-shit!” His arms shook violently. Shoving far deeper than it ever had, the dildo paused inside him, making Sanji shudder, his toes curling. A brief moment of no movement fell over the room as Sanji came to the awkward conclusion that Crocodile was currently cumming, however. the toy didn’t actually do that, so it was… just there… in the meanwhile. 

Slowly it slipped out of him, making obscene slurping noises in the process. Shakily, Sanji reached up to the shrinking toy and pulled it out completely, fidgeting at the feeling of emptiness he felt as he did so. He’s going to need a lifetime to recover from this. He violently flung the damned thing across the room. 

“Lovely doing business, Mr..?” Crocodile spoke out in a mockery of what just took place. Rearranging his body, Sanji tentatively sat down. He was going to feel this for weeks, he could tell already. He scowled at the snail. 

“Mr.Prince.” He snarked as a giant ‘Fuck you.’ His hands searched his breast pockets for his cigarettes and lighter. 

“That’s quite ironic, I hope you know.” Mr.0 replied, amused. Sanji wasn’t so amused. He brought the unlit cigarette to his pale lips. 

“I’d like to see you say that when your ass is sent flying to the clouds, shitty Shichibukai.” Sanji said back seriously, lighting the cigarette. 

“Kuahaha… I’ll be waiting for you and your crew at Alabasta then, Mr.Prince.” He hung up. 

Days later found Luffy beating the living crap out of Crocodile, sending him flying into the clouds. Down below, one could find Sanji smirking darkly, “Heh, shitty Shichibukai.”


End file.
